Ernie Els Knows Golf and More

AS SHE LOOKS

NO WORRIES LIZ, HELP YOURSELF

Nope, Pinder is way too busy doing Els

E! reports the film is billing itself "as the 'official porn parody' of the non-golf exploits of the sports icon. The script riffs on the story and (presumably) makes up stuff where it might make things spicier."

Unfortunately, we think the title is a little lacking in the humor department. Pornos have long been known as the go-to genre for pun titles, so let's help them out. What SHOULD the name of this film be?

I'd pay her off to sit on me.  DEVON James, the porn star who claimed to have a sex tape with Tiger Woods for sale online, said through a representative today that the superstar golfer paid her off to pull the video from the market.  "Our settlement is done, so we're not releasing a tape," James' husband Nick Janette told Radar Online.  The entertainment website, however, also quoted sources claiming there was no settlement - and in fact there was no tape, either.  That idea is reinforced by the fact that in the months since James claimed she had an hour-long tape of the pair having "explosive sex", those who paid the $19.99 online to see the video never received a single second of footage.

and take at least a year off.  This was right on target when originally drafted and was proven to be true.   His British Open performance stunk.  Lucky to have made the cut.

Daly predictably blows up.

Is Tiger done?

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.
The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, 'This is a powerful medicine, and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

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