Ernie Els Knows Golf and More

An agendist named sooner blue below fails to tell the whole story.  The 'troops' referred to represent a minority of the small number of the troops interviewed whose article cut and pasted (in part after further editing by sooner blue).  The true majority of troops welcome more troops, despite know nothings like sooner blue and are delighted Saddam is dead.

Continue writing your lies sooner blue...you are a JOKE.

IF SOONER BLUE WAS A WOMAN SHE WOULD NOT BE THIS GOOD LOOKING BUT THIS WOULD GIVE A GOOD IDEA OF HER BLOGGING AND LIFE EXPERIENCES

"FACE IT SOONER BLUE, YOU ARE A LOSER."

Sincerely, Ernie

(BTW, the woman pictured above is my girlfriend before I taught her a few things about life and blogging).

sooner blue aka loony clueless is a typical liberal who makes off the cuff statements without any factual basis.  For example "America is not safer".  Nary a fact to support that claim.  The facts are otherwise.  Even whiners like sooner blue have not been subjected to a single attack on American soil since 9/11.  Perhaps loony clueless "feels" unsafe.  If so, there could be a variety of reasons:

1.  A sad empty life

2.  A abusive spouse

3.  A need of medicaton

4.  A desire to bash the President at any opportunity

A FEW POSSIBLE OPTIONS FOR LOONY CLUELESS

DRUGS

SERVICE TO COUNTY

OR CANADA OR CUBA

I was having a lot of trouble keeping my score on the course, writing autographs and answering fan mail.  So....

"SO...I CONDUCTED PERSONAL INTERVIEWS AND HIRED THE MOST QUALIFIED APPLICANT"

In an unprecedented televised address to the nation last night, President George W. Bush announced a list of his New Year’s resolutions for 2007, telling the American people, “I am a big believer in abiding by resolutions, as long as they don’t come from the United Nations.”

The following is a list of the president’s New Year’s resolutions:

“I resolve to pay close attention to the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group’s report, as soon as it comes out on a books-on-tape version.

“I resolve to make sure that by the end of 2007, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki gets to spend more time with his family.

“I resolve to tell John Kerry that I thought his joke was hilarious and he should keep ’em coming.

“I resolve to learn how to use the Internets, especially the Google.

“I resolve to invite Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to a peacemaking lunch at Taco Bell.

“I resolve to organize a hunting trip for Dick Cheney and Nancy Pelosi.

“I resolve to expand the search for Osama bin Laden to include MySpace.

“I resolve to clear all of the brush at my Crawford ranch, except for that patch I use to hide from Cindy Sheehan.

“I resolve to continue my opposition to gay parents, unless one of them is named Cheney.

“I resolve to improve relations with Latin America by building a 700-foot fence around Barb and Jen.

"I resolve to continue to not support Hillary Clinton.

"Finally, don't mess with Texas."

"AS A PERSON NOT AS A SEX PARTNER"

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING OUT THERE MORE DANGEROUS

Only in Oklahoma and only by a flaming liberal.  Stupida Beaver (Also known as S. B.) was rushed by mule team to a hospital after being found watching lesbian porno dvd's and unable to move due to the self insertion.  Look at the size of it: 

EVEN STILL HARD TO BELIEVE THIS FIT:

DEAL WITH IT

ACTUALLY A MESSAGE TO LIBERALS

FAIL TO LISTEN AT YOUR OWN RISK

Not only did this liberal spif herself up but

failed to entice other liberals

"Why does Christmas come only once a year?"

This was the KINDEST Santa is able to pass along

A rare delicacy was available in that godforsaken state this Christmas

Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend, just as I've done.

I don't care if you lick windows, interfere with farm animals, vote liberal or occasionally shit yourself.......You hang in there sunshine, You're f***ing special!

YOUNG MUSLIMS REALIZE JIHAD = DEATH

VISIT SANTA INSTEAD

"Please Santa all I want for Christmas is

the immediate death of every Muslim terrorist."

BIN LADEN'S NEW JOB

For My Democratic Friends:

"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."

For My Republican Friends:    

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 

In a University of Minnesota survey designed to determine who is naughty and who is nice, the naughty outnumbered the nice by a whopping three-to-one margin, the University of Minnesota revealed today.

The survey, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, showed that 70% of Americans identify themselves as naughty while only 22% identify themselves as nice, with 8% defining themselves as “other.”

Davis Logsdon, who supervised the survey for the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, said that the rise of the naughty, along with the steady decline of the nice, can be attributed to two major factors.

“The Internet has spread naughtiness at a rate that few of us could have anticipated,” Mr. Logdson said.

NAUGHTY OR NICE?

In another part of the survey, the number of Americans who know that they are sleeping was slightly edged by the number of Americans who know that they are awake.

According to Mr. Logsdon, those numbers are the reverse of a poll taken in 2004, when more Americans defined themselves as sleeping than awake: “Some of that may have been due to the presidential campaign of Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass).”

The epidemic of sports violence spread to the North Pole last night as a brawl erupted between fans and reindeer at this year’s reindeer games, resulting in the ejection and suspension of Rudolph for the remainder of the season.

The games, a holiday classic that dates back to 1949, had a mostly uneventful history until 2002, the year that beer and other alcoholic beverages first became available for sale at the event.

Since then, fans say, the reindeer games have drawn increasingly unruly crowds who aggressively goad the hoofed creatures with catcalls and obscenities.

“Given how wasted the fans are, it’s amazing that something like this didn’t happen sooner,” said Harlan McDougal, a fan who makes the trip from Pittsburgh every year to see the reindeer play.

Rudolph, who was fined by the league for spitting in the face of Blixen earlier in the season, was the object of the fans’ ire from early in the first period.

“Fans were shouting at him,” Mr. McDougal said. “I didn’t hear everything they said, but let’s put it this way -- they were not shouting out with glee.”

After nearly two periods of such abuse, Rudolph had had enough, prancing into the stands and attempting to gore several fans with his antlers.

Mr. McDougal said that alcohol may have played a role in Rudolph’s violent rampage.

"I'm as sober as an Oklahoma liberal."

“It was obvious that he had been drinking,” Mr. McDougal said. “Did you check out his nose?”

CNN anchor Lou Dobbs devoted his entire news broadcast last night to a searing expose of Santa Claus in which he warned the legendary fat man not to cross the United States’ border with Canada on Christmas Eve.

Mr. Dobbs has made “America’s broken borders” one of his signature crusades in recent years, but even for viewers familiar with his incendiary rants about illegal immigration and cheap foreign imports, his attack on Santa Claus seemed particularly vitriolic.

DON'T BRING THAT FOREIGN MADE CRAP ACROSS MY BORDERS

“To our knowledge, Santa Claus is a resident of the North Pole and therefore is doing business in the United States as an undocumented worker,” Mr. Dobbs told his television audience. “In short, he is taking jobs away from hard-working American toy-delivery personnel while the government looks the other way.”

Mr. Dobbs also pressed Congress to open a “full investigation” into the country of origin of the gift items in Santa Claus’ sack.

“We have reason to believe that Santa’s sack is full of cheap gift items manufactured in China, only adding to America’s already burgeoning trade deficit,” the CNN anchor said.

Pledging to stand guard on the U.S.’s border with Canada on Christmas Eve and to “shoot down Santa’s sleigh on sight,” Mr. Dobbs directed the last words of his broadcast to St. Nick himself.

“Santa Claus, lest you write me off as some sort of a lunatic, I must warn you, I’m not alone,” Mr. Dobbs said. “Pat Buchannan agrees with me.”

If my articles are less frequent and or my comments on other artlcles seem mellow, I am posting from the front deck eyeing that scantily clad woman.

Conservatives Only Cruise

The only liberals aboard are the waiters and maids.

President George W. Bush attempted to build support for the increasingly unpopular war in Iraq today, arguing that Iraq is now “the main front in the war on gay marriage.”

The president had never before linked the war in Iraq to the broader war on gay marriage, but in a nationally televised address today he made such a case.

Speaking from the Oval Office, the president said that America’s enemies, such as Syria and Iran, were directly involved in sending wedding planners over the border into Iraq to plan gay weddings.

The president said that were the United States to withdraw its forces now, as some in Congress have suggested, it would be “sending a dangerous message to gay engaged couples around the globe.”

“Our choice is simple,” Mr. Bush said. “Do we fight the gay fiancés and fiancées in Iraq, or do we leave and let them bring their fabulous nuptials to our shores?”

But even as President Bush was making his argument that the war in Iraq was part of a larger war on gay marriage, gay wedding planners in that war-torn country disputed the president’s assertions.

Hassan El-Medfaii, a gay wedding planner in Saddam Hussein’s hometown of Tikrit, said he had seen “no increase” in gay weddings since the insurgency in Iraq began.

“In this country right now, it’s hard to find two people who can even stand each other, let alone want to get married,” Mr. El-Medfaii said.

CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT SOME LIBERAL

DID TO THIS SHOPPER'S SCOOTER

MERRY CHRISTMAS

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the medical definition for each is listed below...

   
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?" 

"I could use a sandwich"
 
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."

This guy is so experienced he can do it with his eyes closed

If your wife is an Oklahoma liberal use BOTH early and often!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Yes.  It was in November.

HARRY REID HAS HIS OWN PLANS

CLICK HERE FOR MORE DETAILS

MERRY CHRISTMAS

More terrific information about Millard Fillmore, arch conservative

Ongoing discussion about progressive brains

MERRY CHRISTMAS

The University of Oklahoma and Oklahoma State University are in a bidding war to be the home of the George W. Bush Presidential library.

"Go to hell, loser blue liberals."

Both Universities of tired of the baloney spouted by their liberal faculties.  "It is impossible to find a professor these days who is not a liberal jackass, even here in the heartland", said OSU's Dr. David J. Schmidly, President and CEO.  

Nancy L. Mergler, Senior Vice President and Provost of the University of Oklahoma announced, "We will not be outbid.  Norman Oklahoma will be the home of the works of the greatest President of the 21st Century."

MERRY CHRISTMAS

WHY CATARACT HAS NO LINK TO WEBSITE

CATARACT ASHAMED OF TRUE IDENTITY

MERRY CHRISTMAS

NO WAY I AM EVER PAYING A SEX TAX

MERRY CHRISTMAS

CLOUDY LIBERAL THINKING

The Sunni leader has been jailed for years and following brief appeals of several hanging sentences will be dead and the Shi'ias have the United States to thank.  Are they grateful?  NOOOOOOO.  Are they bloodthirty?  OF COURSE.  Are they on the genocide path when it comes to Sunnis?  HELL YES.

They are directly linked to the issue of succession following the death of Prophet Muhammad.  Shia Islam has always been the rigid faith of the poor and oppressed, of those waiting for deliverance.  It is seen as a messianic faith - awaiting the coming of the "hidden imam", Allah's messenger, who will reverse their fortunes and herald the reign of divine justice.  Today, the Shia make up about 15% of the total worldwide Muslim population.

Since 1980, more than 4,000 people have been killed in Shia-Sunni violence.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Reich begged for an elf audition and was rejected

MERRY CHRISTMAS

By using employees in remote areas

the hourly wage is less and the energy cost nonexistent

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Hillary is getting her own natural food donation ready

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.  The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:  Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.  The rest became known as girliemen.  Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Today's average liberal

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.  Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. 

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.

That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above.

SO WHAT 

HISTORY PROFESSOR JULIO CESAR PINO THOUGHT IT WAS NOT A COSTUME PARTY

PINO WHEN NOT WEARING THE ADORABLE ELMO COSTUME

Condoms designed to meet international size specifications are too big for many Indian men as their penises fall short of what manufacturers had anticipated, an Indian study has found.

The Indian Council of Medical Research, a leading state-run center, said its initial findings from a two-year study showed 60 percent of men in the financial capital Mumbai had penises about 2.4 cm (one inch) shorter than those condoms catered for.

For a further 30 percent, the difference was at least 5 cm (two inches). A poor fit meant the prophylactics often didn't do the job they were bought for, and led to some tearing or slipping off during use.

Too busy charming the wrong snakes

Selling like hotcakes in New Delhi

NO ONE WANTED TO COME NEAR THE JACKASS SO FROSTY

ANIMATED OTHER SNOWMEN TO ACT AS PALLBEARERS

ALL WILL BE GETTING SHOTS WHEN THE JACKASS IS UNDERGROUND

THESE "LADIES" ARE AVAILABLE

TO ANYONE WHO WANTS THEM FOR FREE

THE JACKASS HASN'T POPPED OUT OF HIS HOLE FOR WEEKS.

IS HE HIBERNATING UNTIL SPRING?

IS THER BROADBAND SERVICE IN THERE?

What will that liberal loser woman ever do

without her most prized possession?

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.
He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

With a higher quality opener, Terrence probably would have gotten less

19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.  Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

He figures to get double that for this hubcap theft

 Kathleen Robertson of Oklahoma, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was

The shrew was wearing roach killers

running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

It's time to give up.  Supply and demand says the more there are, the less we have to pay them.

Why not give it to her and deduct it later from Bill and Hillary's government pensions?

She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah

It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere!

Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.

Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!"

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.

Seeking to see if her gay lifestyle was really for best for her, Clinton put in a call to Obama yesterday.

"Hello Barack, I am feeling horny and Bill's heart medication has made him impotent.  The doctors say he can't take Viagra or Cialis and I want to take a shot at a man.  I'm getting tired of women.  You can't say no, I'm Hillary don't forget.  So get your butt over here asap.  Bring Viagra in case you can't keep up with me."

Q.  Who has the lowest IQ?

A.  Unknown.  Nothing registers on any IQ tests.

Sharpton blows up on mideast peace making mission

"There is likely to be further trimming. The actual amount would depend on circumstances," said Daukoru.  "We have not decided yet how much ripping off the public will take."  Abacuses are burning across the oil producing countries on this important issue.

Opec loves stealing our money

Lohan's goal of having sex with every famous old man took a huge hit.  She is in the process of trying to find an Altman lookalike

"I missed my chance to have sex with him dammit"

Nearly two-thirds of Britons think the fiery Italian sauce Arrabiata is a sex infection, according to a survey on Friday.  Ninety percent of Oklahoma liberals surveyed thought the same thing.

Do you mean that is what THAT THING is for?

"What is very worrying is the lack of knowledge about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) revealed in the survey," said sex therapist Emily Dubberley.

"Sixty-three percent in the UK thought an Italian sauce was an STD and over 43 percent couldn't identify any of the common sexual complaints we asked about.

"This ignorance has no excuse in today's world."