Ernie Els Scoffs at Losers

In a University of Minnesota survey designed to determine who is naughty and who is nice, the naughty outnumbered the nice by a whopping three-to-one margin, the University of Minnesota revealed today.

The survey, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, showed that 70% of Americans identify themselves as naughty while only 22% identify themselves as nice, with 8% defining themselves as “other.”

Davis Logsdon, who supervised the survey for the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, said that the rise of the naughty, along with the steady decline of the nice, can be attributed to two major factors.

“The Internet has spread naughtiness at a rate that few of us could have anticipated,” Mr. Logdson said.

NAUGHTY OR NICE?

In another part of the survey, the number of Americans who know that they are sleeping was slightly edged by the number of Americans who know that they are awake.

According to Mr. Logsdon, those numbers are the reverse of a poll taken in 2004, when more Americans defined themselves as sleeping than awake: “Some of that may have been due to the presidential campaign of Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass).”