Ernie Els Scoffs at Losers

ERNIE BEING ERNIE

2007/1/30

Vista Release - Apple Recalls iPhone; Forgot to Include ‘Phone’ Feature

@ 06:52 PM (17 months, 10 days ago)

 

While Microsoft is basking in the Vista release, things aren't so good with the competition.

In what could prove to be the most embarrassing misstep in consumer electronics history, Apple Inc. announced today that it would recall its entire production run of the Apple iPhone after discovering that it had failed to include a “phone” feature in the much-hyped handheld device.

Speaking from Apple corporate headquarters, company founder Steve Jobs offered consumers his apology for the monumental goof and seemed to be searching for an explanation for how it could have occurred.

“First and foremost, we’re sorry,” a red-faced Mr. Jobs said in a conference call with Wall Street analysts. “When you make a product called the iPhone, people expect it to include a phone, and we messed that part up.”

Mr. Jobs suggested that Apple had been so focused on making the iPhone the “coolest handheld device ever” that it had forgotten to include one of the most important features of any cellular phone: “One thing people like about cell phones is that you can dial numbers into them and call people.”

Instead, he explained, Apple’s engineers had crammed the iPhone with a plethora of what he called “non-phonal features,” such as a camera, an MP3 player, a taser, and a tactical nuclear weapon.

While Mr. Jobs said that almost all of the nine million iPhones that had been shipped to stores were on their way back to Apple’s manufacturing plant, he offered advice to consumers who somehow had already obtained the phoneless iPhone: “Just hold it up to your head and pretend to be talking into it.”

 

Comment(s) »


  1. Wow. Unfunny AND plagiarized (http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=6683). If you were one of my students, this comment would say "See Me".

    Comment by dr. dave— 2007/02/02 @ 07:40 AM — (Reply)

  2. Uh "Dr." Dave, it's called work and you should be doing it instead of internet surfing and blogging since you are being paid by taxpayers you jackass.

    Comment by Ernie Els— 2007/02/02 @ 08:42 AM — (Reply)

  3. Uh "Dr." Dave, it's called work and you should be doing it instead of internet surfing and blogging since you are being paid by taxpayers you jackass.

    Comment by Ernie Els— 2007/02/02 @ 09:25 AM — (Reply)

  4. FORGET THE PHONE PART..JUST LET ME HAVE THE CAMERA AND TACT NUKE DEVICE ! THEN A TICKET TO TEHRAN AND LEBONON

    Comment by aza spade— 2007/02/02 @ 10:03 AM — (Reply)

  5. nice try. private university. my salary is paid by overinflated tuition costs, not taxes.

    Comment by dr. dave— 2007/02/03 @ 12:11 PM — (Reply)

  6. hum sounds like an admission that tuition is overinflated and everyone knows it

    Comment by jim— 2007/02/03 @ 01:59 PM — (Reply)

  7. You guys are fucking dumbass' The phone SUCKS!!!! :mad:

    Comment by Vanessa— 2007/09/12 @ 11:01 PM — (Reply)

  8. Hey Vanessa. You apparently are the one who sucks. The Article is about the fact that the iPhone and Steve Jobs BOTH suck. Since you are a dumb jackass you suck too.

    Comment by Ed— 2007/09/13 @ 06:36 PM — (Reply)

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