Ernie Els Scoffs at democrat liberal Losers Idiocy

LIBERAL DINOSAURS NEAR EXTINCTION

2007/2/21

Rudy Guiliani Poised to Smash Hillary and Roe v. Wade

@ 11:03 PM (15 months, 2 hours ago)

 

Republican Rudy Giuliani said Friday if elected in 2008 he wouldn't hesitate to appoint anti-abortion conservatives such as Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia and Samuel Alito to the federal bench.

"They share the kind of overall judicial philosophy that I have," Giuliani said during an impromptu news conference. Giuliani said he helped select U.S. attorneys and federal marshals during his service in the Reagan administration. People who filled those positions were "strict constructionists" in their approach to constitutional law, he said.

"What I mean by strict constructionist, or using the plain language or meaning of the Constitution, is judges should try to interpret the Constitution, not make it up to fit their social preferences," Giuliani said.

FUTURE OF HILLARY AND ROE V. WADE

NEITHER WILL BE MISSED

 

 

Hillary, Saddam, Ted Kennedy, bin Laden -So Much in Common

@ 09:42 PM (15 months, 3 hours ago)

 

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Basra when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in similar but less serious state.   The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both  men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.  The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the  highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each  other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.   "I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife,  scumbag,  and he yelled back that Senator Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left-wing liberal drunk.  So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited woman!"

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!"

 

"And, there we were, standing in the middle of the road, shaking

hands, when a truck hit us."

Hillary Losing in Polls to Easter Bunny, Aquaman in Theoretical Match-ups

@ 07:27 AM (15 months, 18 hours ago)

 

In perhaps the most troubling sign yet for her candidacy, a poll released today shows that a majority of Americans wish that Hillary Clinton was a fictitious character rather than a real person. 

Hillary's popularity has taken some serious hits in recent months as the public begins to know her better , but the new survey marks the first time that over fifty percent of respondents indicated that they wished the lying Senator was a figment of their imagination.

When asked the question, “If you could choose whether Hillary Clinton was a real person or a fictitious character,” 51% said “fictitious character” while only 42% said “real person,” with the remaining 7% responding, “Hillary Clinton IS a fictitious character.”

Even more troubling for Hillary is the survey’s conclusion that in theoretical match-ups with other fictitious characters, Mrs. Clinton would be trounced.

According to the poll, which has a margin of error of 5 percentage points, if an election were held today between Hillary and the superhero Aquaman, Hillary would lose to Aquaman by a margin of two-to-one.

And Hillary  would suffer a similar fate in hypothetical face-offs with such other fictitious characters as the Little Mermaid, the Easter Bunny, and SpongeBob SquarePants.

The spokesman for Hillary said the poll results were, in their own way, “good news” for the Senator.

“The American people want the president to be fictitious,” Hillary's staff said. “Well, her life is and her words are fictitious, so she’s really meeting them halfway.”

2007/2/20

Senator Bill Clinton?

@ 10:18 PM (15 months, 1 day ago)

 

If Hillary is elected and he is appointed to replace her as NY's Senator, you can bet he will Acela down to DC and back in the same day when he has to appear at votes.  Already, with Hillary on the road begging for votes 100% of the time, Bill has remodeled the place and making the best of his loneliness.

 

Dear Abby - Still Going Strong

@ 10:10 PM (15 months, 1 day ago)

 

Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and b.s. with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.  Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed, Clueless

 ****************************************


Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief,woman,you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one.
 
 
DUH
 

Dick Morris Nails Hillary Clinton

@ 08:58 PM (15 months, 1 day ago)

 

No no no...not THAT way you dirty minded readers....oh yuck...no one in their right mind would

HILLARY CLINTON'S BAD JUDGMENT ON IRAQ VOTE

By DICK MORRIS & EILEEN MCGANN

February 19, 2007 -- What kind of president would Hillary Clinton be?

To grasp the essence of how her Administration would run aground, watch the way she's handling the Iraq War controversy right now.

She has painted herself into a corner with her bad judgment, tone deaf instincts, and stubbornness. Now she's squirming to find a way out – and looking bad in the process.

As she struggles to meld her conflicting past and present positions about her 2002 vote authorizing the Iraq war, she has become as convoluted as a pretzel.

At the same time, her style and mechanics are significantly improving. Hillary has settled on a novel, presidential-looking, and well-toned campaign veh icle: an "almost weekly" Internet video address to the nation via her web site HillaryClinton.com.

Between the chatty and overly contrived "talk on the couch" she used to announce her candidacy and her new, more formal format, one senses she has been busy getting the input of focus groups.

Her new format works. Hillary looks convincingly presidential against a backdrop of French doors that mirrors the Oval Office. She has found her groove.

But she still has problems. The juxtaposition of good advice and handling on the one hand, and flawed candidate instincts on the other, has always characterized Hillary's activities. Such dissonance in her performance continues to this day.

Hillary's problems today stem from her 2002 vote in favor of the Iraq war. Clearly, she cast it because, as a new Senator from New York, she saw Ground Zero from a front row seat.

Her constituents demanded action and she wanted to seem to be tough on terrorism.

Hillary also know that as a future woman presidential candidate, she needed to appear tough enough to be commander in chief. When no WMDs were found in Iraq after the U.S. invasion, Hillary still stood by her vote because she feared appearing inconsistent.

Now Hillary is a full-fledged presidential candidate and faces the dilemma of whether to apologize for her vote, as John Edwards did.

No doubt, Hillary remembers vividly how the label of "weak" and "flip flopper" dogged her husband. Bill Clinton challenged this labels by taking decisive actions in Bosnia and against the House Republican government shut down.

And there was John Kerry and his windsurf ad in the 2004 that characterized him.

Haunted by these memories, she has put a premium on never reversing field and refusing to say "I'm sorry."

Of course, she should have said she made a mistake. Everybody did. Voters would have taken her admission and not missed a beat.

We all felt there were WMDs in Iraq and nobody anticipated the blood letting that's happened there since. An admission of error by Hillary would have killed the issue.

Why didn't her advisors prevail on her to admit it?

Because they are scared to death of Hillary's fury, rage, tantrums, and, ultimately, of being exiled.

So Hillary refused to say "I'm sorry." As a result, she has brought herself no end of woe as she tries to appease the left.

Then the question arose of whether to cut off war funding. Again, Hillary refused to go that far.

Why? Because she felt that, as a woman with a reputedly anti-military past, she could not be accused of denuding our troops in the face of the enemy. Again her advisors likely found her convictions too entrenched to challenge them.

So now Hillary has to spin a position against the war that is meaningful but doesn't cut off funding. Now, Hillary has introduced a bill demanding a withdrawal beginning in 90 days and making it illegal to add more troops.

The bill will never pass. The 90-day clock will never make it out of the watch factory. But does this new formulation give her a place to stand in the current debate?

Not really. While she is willing to set a begin date for "redeployment," Hillary won't set an end date as Obama and Edwards have both done.

In the near future a defunding resolution will come to the Senate floor. When it does, and when she votes no, it will dominate the discussion among Democrats – despite Hillary's own proposals.

Hillary has also opened the door to massive criticism by embracing "engagement" and calling for a Mid-East regional conference – obviously including Iran – to settle the war.

These positions put her at odds with those who see a nuclear Iran as threatening Israel's and America's future and who demand tough economic and, if necessary, military action to stop it.

How can you boycott or bomb a country and then "engage" with them?

But the larger lesson is that Hillary has put herself in an impossible position by refusing to apologize and ruling out a funding cutoff.

Had she said, "I'm sorry" and then agreed to cut off funding (about the same thing as a mandatory troop ceiling), she would have coasted to the Democratic nomination.

But now she has laid out a rocky road for herself. And she has only her own bad instincts to blame.

All this begs the question of where is Bill?

He has better instincts and usually is the wiser, cooler head.

Hillary's jagged course suggests that either he is making one of his periodic visits to Hillary's doghouse or he isn't able to make her see common sense.

2007/2/19

Mexican Illegals Jailed Pending Payment of Back Taxes, Interest, Penalties, Cost of Rent, Food and Water During Imprisonment

@ 08:15 PM (15 months, 2 days ago)

 

Here is a novel idea.  Do the exact opposite of what liberal democrats want to do.  We pay.  Why shouldn't they pay?  We pay for housing, food and beverages.  We pay taxes.  Make those jackasses do the same.  For extra measure, all financial records of every democrat must be examined.  The taxpayers probably paid for Clinton's motel bills while he was shacking up with bimbos (all of which hard to believe looked better and had more sense than Hillary - he is still married to HER).  Do you think he wants to be the first male first lady?  Hell no.  At some point Bill will sabotage her campaign so he doesn't have to be.  That job should go to ...

ELIZABETH EDWARDS...OR IS SHE ROSIE O'DONNELL'S LONG LOST TWIN

 

democrats Can't Even Walk on Floors.

@ 01:24 PM (15 months, 2 days ago)

 

I see the democrats as lame.  They allegedly control the House and Senate.  Yet they can't get a non binding resolution passed?  What about the pre election promises democrats made about non partisanship?  The democrat partisans seem as partisan, self serving, full of hot air filled liars they have been since the Truman administration.  They are ineffective boors.  As are the self righteous bloggers who support them.

2007/2/18

UCLA Publishs Results of Hillary Clinton Psychiatric Testing

@ 01:06 PM (15 months, 3 days ago)

 

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.  However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.


Additonal studies are currently ongoing.

 

President Bush Signs Trade Deal With Iran

@ 01:02 PM (15 months, 3 days ago)

 

Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "Nice pigs, sir."

The President replies, "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "Excellent trade, sir."

 

 

2007/2/17

Murtha Gears up to Battle His Surging Waistline

@ 09:03 PM (15 months, 4 days ago)

 

First he fights Pelosi tooth and nail and then sucks up to her.  Is he battling Hillary for the number one fraud slot?

OR IS MURTHA COMPETING WITH MICHAEL TO BE THE "BIGGEST"  DEMOCRAT JACKASS

 

Hillary Concerned About Being Fat

@ 05:32 PM (15 months, 4 days ago)

 

img238/3125/scaleug7.jpg

HILLARY'S SELF DELUSIONAL METHOD FOR WEIGHING HERSELF

 

 

2007/2/16

Designated Voter - Protect Your Friends

@ 08:57 PM (15 months, 5 days ago)

 

I am opening up a business named "Designated Voter".  The idea is that some people are so inebriated with liberal spin doctoring lies, that they are in no mental position to vote competently.  Rather than let allow their wheels to come off, my company is available to perform a valuable public service.

img444/2900/democratlogoet4.jpg

"SAVE A LIBERAL FROM HIM OR HER SELF"

 

Liberal Blogger Central - For All Your Democrat Blogging Needs

@ 06:09 PM (15 months, 5 days ago)

 

Liberal Blogger Central is the place to go for commentary you can copy and put in your own liberal blog and pass off as your own.  It's OK, Al Gore does it.

 

img129/1259/bloggerwd4.png

CLICK ABOVE TO GO RIGHT TO LIBERAL BLOGGER CENTRAL

2007/2/15

Year of Pig Begins

@ 08:13 PM (15 months, 6 days ago)

 

The world can expect a roller-coaster ride of conflict and unrest, natural disasters and a plunge in global stock markets once the Year of the Pig begins, Chinese soothsayers say.

As the world farewells the Year of the Dog on Sunday, believers in Chinese superstitions have been busy consulting fortune tellers, feng shui geomancers and a wealth of new books for the year's fortunes.

Chinese fortunes are based on a belief that events are dictated by the different balances in the elements that make up the earth -- gold, wood, water, fire and earth.

Feng shui expert Raymond Lo said that according to ancient Chinese belief, the Year of the Pig is symbolised by two elements -- fire sitting on top of water.

"Fire sitting on water is a symbol of conflict and skirmish, and this may bring a relatively less peaceful year with more international conflicts and struggles," he said.

Lo said the last time such an arrangement appeared was in 2002, the year that followed the September 11 terrorist attacks.

"It is anticipated that there will be more international conflicts and disharmony, which will even lead to regional warfare, uprising and unrest, or the overthrow of governments in certain countries," he said.

The elemental arrangement for 2007, with fire standing on top, could represent openness, optimism and warmth, but it can also bring fire disasters and huge explosions, Lo said.

The Chinese calendar moves in 60-year cycles, meaning the world will experience in the new year events similar to those that took place in 1947.

In that turbulent year, the Cold War began in earnest when then US president Truman declared his anti-communist doctrine and the Soviet Union rejected a US plan for atomic weapons control, sparking the nuclear arms race.

That year saw the same elemental arrangement with yin fire dominant in the Year of the Pig.

"So it will not be surprising that there will be more gun battles, murder with guns, bombing attacks in the year 2007," Lo added.

-- World faces unrest and disharmony but all ends well --

The lunar calendar is based on the cycles of the moon and associates each of the 12 years forming a partial cycle with an animal. The pig is the last in the zodiac sequence that begins with the rat, followed by the ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, goat, monkey, rooster and dog.

Fortune-tellers base their predictions on the relationship between the zodiac animals and the characteristics of each animal year.

They also take into account the changing balance over the years in the five spiritual elements that Chinese philosophy believes form the core of the universe -- gold, wood, water, fire and earth.

Feng shui expert Lee Sing-tong predicts serious conflict in the Middle East this coming year.

"Religious wars will turn intense. There will be large-scale warfare or explosions," said Lee, a third-generation feng shui master.

He also expects serious diplomatic conflicts in the East, for instance between China and Japan, and says the problem will be most acute until May 5.

Fortune teller Alion Yeo, who predicted nuclear testing in North Korea last year, said there is a chance that the power of Pyongyang's leader, Kim Jong-il, will weaken.

"This will most likely happen between June and July. I can see their leader is in bad luck during the period. This means something will be changed: someone might replace him or he might fall ill," Yeo said.

"There might be a chance that he would leave his position or hand over his duty to someone else," he added.

The Year of the Pig will largely be a smooth one for the United States, although Yeo predicts an interest rate hike in the third quarter and a big accident between June and July.

"It could be a big fire or an explosion. It would be something that draws the world's attention and causes the stock market to fall," he said, adding however that the market would quickly recover.

Yeo also predicts a strong earthquake, at least 7.0 on the Richter scale, in a Japanese city between March and April. But the number of wounded would be limited by the earthquake resistance of the country's architecture.

Although Yeo anticipates global unrest, he expects a mediator will come in to balance the tense situation between conflicting countries.

"I don't think it will be that bad this year. Although there will be a lot of unrest and disharmony, problems will be solved in the end," he said.

Lo agreed. The pig belongs to the water element and is the birth month of wood. The pig symbolises the germination of plants and when new life is born.

"The pig year can bring a new beginning of international relationships and social orders, this could bring new regimes with new governments in some countries," he said.

And Lee predicts the birth of someone of national importance to China.

He said this person will be born on June 30 between 5.00-6.59 am Hong Kong time (21.00-22.59 GMT) somewhere in the east or south of the country.

"This date of birth is very rare. It only happens once every 60 years. It is very difficult to see such a good fate," he said.

Lee said he did not publish this prediction in his latest feng shui book for fear of inciting mothers to plan their pregnancies to occur at that time.

"I don't want to ruin the natural order. I don't want someone planning their pregnancy artificially. Heaven might not allow it," he said.

"But this child would be a prodigy, very intelligent and talented. This person would have the quality to become China's leader or a prime minister," he added

 

 

Pelosi and Hillary Introduce Bill in House and Senate for God Optional Currency

@ 06:13 PM (15 months, 6 days ago)

 

img522/3600/moneytb2.jpg

USERS WILL BE ABLE TO SELECT WHO OR WHAT THEY BELIEVE IN

AMONG THE OPTIONS PROPOSED ARE GOD, SATAN, HILLARY, PELOSI,

HOOKERS, BOOZE, DRUGS, MONEY AND NOTHING

 

2007/2/14

CNN's Anna Nichole Smith and Astronaut Diaper Woman Too Sparse

@ 08:51 PM (15 months, 7 days ago)

 

A media watchdog group today blasted the major news networks for failing to provide enough coverage of Anna Nicole Smith’s death in the 72 hours following the blonde bombshell’s passing.

The media watchdog group, which calls itself The Media Watchdog Group, took the nation’s 24-hour news networks to task for what it called “scant coverage” of the life, death and legacy of Ms. Smith.

At a press conference in Washington, Carol Foyler, a spokesperson for the group, hit hard at the all-news networks for giving the Anna Nicole Smith story “short shrift.”

“Instead of staying on the Anna Nicole Smith story nonstop, the networks would sometimes cut away to coverage of the war in Iraq for seconds at a time,” Ms. Foyler said. “For a nation struggling with its loss, this was like twisting the knife.”

At CNN headquarters in Atlanta, network president Jon Klein apologized for failing to provide seamless, wall-to-wall coverage of the Smith story, telling reporters, “We dropped the ball.”

“I was watching our coverage of Anna Nicole Smith’s death and without warning we cut away for an 8-second story on Darfur,” he said. “I can assure you that that sort of thing will never happen again – not on my watch.”

Mr. Klein added that for the foreseeable future, “at least 29 of the 30 video monitors on Wolf Blitzer’s ‘The Situation Room’ will feature Anna Nicole Smith, and the other will have that crazy astronaut chick.”

Hillary and Small Town America

@ 08:02 PM (15 months, 7 days ago)

 

Hillary Clinton called Bill into her office one day and said, "Bill, I have a great idea! I know how we can win back middle America and secure my presidential victory in 2008".

"Great, but how so you propose we go about that?", asked Bill "Well", Hillary responds, "We'll go down to a local Wal-Mart, get some cheezy clothes and shoes, like most middle Americans wear and then we'll stop at the pound and pick up a Golden Retreiver. When we look the part we'll go to a nice old country bar in middle America, and we'll show them that we really enjoy the Countryside and show admiration and respect for the hard working people living there .

A few days later, all decked out and with the requisite Retreiver at heel, they set off from New York in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for with dog in tow they walk into the bar. They step up to the bar and the Bartender takes a step back and say's, " Aren't you Bill and Hillary Clinton?"  Hillary answers, "Yes we are, and what a lovely town you have here. We were just passing through and Bill suggested that we stop and take in some local color."

They then order a couple of cocktails from the bartender and proceed to drink them down, all the while chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

All of a sudden, the bar room door opens and a grizzled old farmer comes in. He walked up to the Retreiver, lifted its tail and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walks out the door. A few moments later, in came another old farmer. He walked up to the dog, lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and then left the bar.

Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five farmers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and went away looking puzzled. Eventually Hillary and Bill could stand it no longer and called the bartender over. "Tell me" said Hillary, "why did all those old farmers come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it some sort of old custom?"

"Good Lord no," said the bartender. "It's just that it's all over town that there is a Golden Retreiver in this bar with two assholes!".

 

2007/2/13

Hillary Responds to Obama Poll Surge

@ 10:13 PM (15 months, 8 days ago)

 

The Clinton campaign made an early release of bumper stickers originally scheduled to be released January 1, 2008.  Obama has her running scared already.  Get one while you can, when they run out they will be collector's items.  I already have one on my golf cart!

img255/5814/hillarystickernq0.jpg

 

 

Howard Dean Powering Up DNC for 2008 Presidential Campaign

@ 05:19 PM (15 months, 8 days ago)

 

img123/3862/festerit4.jpg

2007/2/12

Sierra Club Preserves Endangered Forest

@ 09:37 PM (15 months, 9 days ago)

 

After a long Court battle to protect a poor innocent forest against a big bad Red Lobster, the Sierra Club won.  Hooray.

TREE HUGGERS SAVE TWO ELM TREES - SORT OF!

 

Pelosi Wins Airplane War

@ 09:34 PM (15 months, 9 days ago)

 

Not only can she zip off to wherever she wants, it has maximum fuel efficiency.

THE PELOSI TRAVEL PROBLEM - SOLVED!

Dixie Chicks Are Dumb Loud Mouth Whales - Conservative Chicks are Hot

@ 08:33 AM (15 months, 9 days ago)

 

MINIMUM WEIGHT TOTAL OF 500 LBS.

AVERAGE CONSERVATIVE CHICK

 

2007/2/11

Democrat Presidential Road Trips Begin Simultaneously

@ 09:43 PM (15 months, 10 days ago)

 

And end in tragedy.  Due to the sheer volume of candidates, not to mention their posses, no sooner did the all hit the beltway than this happened:

img297/1831/truckslz4.png

These people can't even plan a campaign trip let alone run a country

 

U.S. Sends Surge of Homicidal Astronauts to Iraq Armed With Pepper Spray, Mallets, Tubing

@ 04:25 PM (15 months, 10 days ago)

 

In its latest bid to shore up the security situation in Iraq’s war-torn capital city, the United States today sent a surge of 20,000 love-spurned astronauts to Baghdad.

With President Bush’s plan to send additional troops to Iraq coming under fire by both Democrats and Republicans in Congress, the decision to send thousands of homicidal space men and women to Baghdad seemed to be the best way to break the logjam, said Gen. David Petraeus.

“If those insurgents think they are winning the fight with us, wait until they see these homicidal astronauts coming over the horizon,” said Gen. Petraeus, who took over responsibility for U.S. forces in Iraq on Saturday. “Hell hath no fury like an astronaut scorned.”

Gen. Petraeus said that the bloodthirsty astronauts would arrive in Baghdad armed with pepper spray, mallets, and rubber tubing, “and they’re not afraid to use them.”

Just hours after the announcement, Iraqi insurgents were reportedly panicking at the thought that 20,000 homicidal astronauts were on their way to Baghdad.

The insurgents were said to be pondering a number of measures to combat the surge, including stocking up on mallets and rubber tubing of their own.

According to one report on the Arabic language Al-Jazeera network, the insurgents were also considering obtaining a restraining order against the astronauts.

For his part, Gen. Petraeus was confident that the homicidal astronauts would outlast the insurgents: “We’ll be wearing diapers, and they won’t.”

 

2007/2/10

Obama Formally Finally Announces His Lincoln Like Candidacy in Springfield

@ 08:32 PM (15 months, 11 days ago)

 

Anybody who wants to beat Hillary is OK in my book.  Well maybe not that bad haired sarcastic son of a bitch Biden.  However that jackass will take care of beating himself, no sexual innuendo intended.

In the hours before Obama spoke, several thousand people thronged the streets of Springfield, despite the wintry weather, excited by the prospect of witnessing what could be a history-making presidential campaign.

Obama's sharpest difference with both Clinton and Edwards was his early opposition to the Iraq war and their votes for the 2002 resolution authorizing President Bush to invade Iraq.

Edwards has since apologized for his vote and Clinton has said she would not have voted that way had she known then what she knows now.

Obviously I don't agree with any of them on Iraq but at least Obama is not the weasel Edward is or the sneaky lying weasel Hillary is.

Let the games begin.  It should be fun.

 

2007/2/9

Hillary Steps on Her Dick Yet Again

@ 10:55 PM (15 months, 12 days ago)

 

Senator Clinton appeared at a rally in her honor pleased that this one was not funded by her campaign warchest.  "It's wonderful that women just like me at the grass roots level come out in my honor."

BULL DYKE LESBIANS FOR HILLARY

 

 

img77/1776/handsclappingbj8.png

SURPRISE SURPRISE..PRAISE THE TRUTH

 

Anderson Cooper CNN Boy Toy to be All Wet During Sweeps Week

@ 10:20 PM (15 months, 12 days ago)

 

Executives at CNN warned today that severe weather alerts have been on the rise during February sweeps and are expected to reach an all-time high before the all-important ratings-grabbing period is over.

At a CNN press briefing at the company’s headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia, network spokesman Tracy Klujian said that severe weather alerts during this sweeps period were up 9000% over normal, non-sweeps months, adding that the alerts could interrupt CNN programming “at any time, without warning,” until February sweeps ends.

“We owe it to our viewers to warn them that as bad as the severe weather alerts have been so far this February, even more disruptive alerts are on their way,” Mr. Klujian said.

According to Professor Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota’s Institute of Meteorology, the sharp increase in severe weather alerts may be the result of a phenomenon called “network executive climate change.”

“Cable news networks such as CNN have been experiencing a gradual cooling of their ratings,” Professor Logsdon said. “Then February sweeps comes along, creating a front of high pressure on their executives.”

In Atlanta, CNN’s Klujian said that there was a “ninety percent chance” that Anderson Cooper would be pelted with rain at some point during the February sweeps month.

“Before sweeps is over, Anderson Cooper’s hair will be soaked up and down the Eastern seaboard,” he said. “We want our viewers to be prepared for that.”

 

Astronauts Stalk Hubble Telescope

@ 05:40 AM (15 months, 12 days ago)

 

Ms. Foyler said that the steamy goings-on between the Hubble and the astronauts began after the two shuttle crew members were dispatched on a servicing mission to repair the telescope in 2004.

“They were working in very close proximity to the telescope, and apparently one thing led to another,” Ms. Foyler said.

The NASA spokesperson said that the agency “deplored” the love triangle and would institute a zero tolerance policy to prohibit its astronauts from docking, “either with one another or with any piece of NASA equipment.”

“Our concern is, if this sort of thing could happen with the Hubble Space Telescope, it could just as easily happen with the Mars probe,” she said.

But Ms. Foyler refused to call NASA’s latest love triangle a setback for the space agency, instead choosing to emphasize a positive aspect of the story: “On the plus side, at least we know that the Hubble is working.”

2007/2/8

Living Will - Who Needs Them and Why?

@ 06:43 PM (15 months, 13 days ago)

 

A guy was watching the Super Bowl minding his own business when he and his wife got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills.

During the course of the conversation, he told her that he never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.


She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR MORE DETAIL ON THE WIFE

 



George Carlin New Year's Resolutions - a Little Late

@ 06:25 PM (15 months, 13 days ago)

 

New Rule:  Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com.  There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years -- because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days -- mowing my lawn.

New Rule:  Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili.  Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
 
New Rule:   Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
 
New Rule:   If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope.  If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of MEN.
 
New Rule:   Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
 
New Rule:   There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket -- water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water!

New Rule:  Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule:   The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole.  If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread, cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-'n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
 
New Rule:   I'm not the cashier!  By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule:  Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual -- you're just high!

New Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport -- it's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait! They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule:  If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule:  No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people's version of looting.
 
New Rule:   (and this one is long overdue):  No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months -- "27 Months."  "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule:  If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pay s better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"
 

Astronaut Fiasco Government's Fault Claim liberal democrats

@ 08:12 AM (15 months, 13 days ago)

 

Like you couldn't see that one coming.  Liberals are not NOT blaming the individuals, the astronauts who had space sex, but rather saying NASA should have screened and trained the astronauts better.  Of course those same liberals would have been the first ones to go at to see what weightless sex would be like after being turned on by the astronaut uniforms.  What hypocrites.  Avoiding personal responsibility yet again.

BE HONEST...WHO WOULDN'T DO WHEN GIVEN THE

CHANCE ABOARD THIS BABY

 

2007/2/7

Des Moines Register Prints Open Letter to Tom Vilsak

@ 08:43 PM (15 months, 14 days ago)

 

The letter written by the Iowa Humane Society begged Vilsak to drop out of the Presidential race now before the images of hundreds of thousands of proud Iowans worldwide are damaged beyond repair.  "The public humiliation caused by a campaign whose polling numbers are in the negative single digits will make laughingstocks of all Iowans.  Please Governor Vilsak do the right thing and say you made a mistake."

JOE BIDEN:  "A VOTE FOR VILSAK IS A VOTE FOR HILLARY...DOH!"

 

Biden Promises to Keep His Mouth Shut with Duct Tape

@ 06:42 PM (15 months, 14 days ago)

 

In a bold new strategy to keep his candidacy for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination on message, Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Del) returned to the campaign trail today with a strip of duct tape over his mouth.

Political veterans were hard-pressed to think of a candidate who made a successful bid for his party’s nomination with a piece of duct tape sealing his mouth, an orifice generally considered necessary to emit human speech.

But after their candidate stumbled out of the gate by making seemingly condescending remarks about a fellow candidate, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill), advisors to Mr. Biden seized on the duct-tape solution as the best way to hit the campaign’s reset button.

“Every time Joe opens his mouth, he gets in the way of his message,” said Carol Foyler, a media advisor to the Biden campaign. “Duct-taping his mouth shut is the best way to get his message out there to the American people.”

At a town hall meeting in Davenport, Iowa, Mr. Biden seemed upbeat, offering this response to a voter’s question about Social Security: “Mmmmghfffmmmggh.”

According to Ms. Foyler, for the remainder of the 2008 campaign Mr. Biden will be relying heavily on hand gestures and the art of mime to make his case to the voters.

“Biden ’08 is going to be a cross between a political campaign and Cirque du Soleil,” she said.

 

2007/2/6

Hillary Confused Herself Over Which Lie Is/Was the Lie

@ 10:37 PM (15 months, 15 days ago)

 

Hillary recently pledged that if the current Congress does not find a way to end the war in Iraq, "as president, I will."  She also said that if she had been president in 2002, she wouldn't have started the war in the first place.

A cynic might ask:  "Well, then, why did you vote for it as senator?"

"IF I TOLD YOU ONCE I TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES HILLARY, KEEP YOUR LIES STRAIGHT,

THEY HAVE DIGITAL AUDIO AND VIDEO YOU IDIOT"

 

 

 

NASA Astronaut Love Triangle Murder Plot?

@ 10:30 PM (15 months, 15 days ago)

 

A NASA astronaut was charged Tuesday with attempted first-degree murder in connection with a bizarre attack outside a Florida airport on a woman she saw as a romantic rival in an apparent love triangle involving a shuttle pilot.

"NOT ON MY WATCH JETSON'

 

A Fighter Pilot Walks into a Bar...

@ 10:23 PM (15 months, 15 days ago)

 

A fighter pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.  The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"  "No," he replies, "I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it."  

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch?  What's so special about it?"  The fighter pilot explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."  

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"  "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...."  "The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am  wearing panties!"  The fighter pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."

 

Castro Alive and Dancing - Cubans Rejoice...NOT!

@ 09:58 PM (15 months, 15 days ago)

 

Hoping to put an end to recent rumors that he is in failing health, Cuban president Fidel Castro released an official video today in which he is shown putting on a dazzling breakdancing display to the delight of several dozen onlookers.

Speculation that Mr. Castro might be at death’s door and that a new, pro-democracy government could be in the offing in Cuba has been on the rise since late last year, a whispering campaign that the Cuban dictator’s breakdancing video seems designed to snuff out.

In the three minute video, Mr. Castro is seen breakdancing for a throng of appreciative fans, including a delirious Hugo Chavez, the president of Venezuela.

Mr. Castro, who does not appear to be even slightly winded while executing the extremely strenuous breakdancing routing, ends up on his back, spinning like a top to the amazement of his audience.

Popping to his feet, the 80-year-old dictator is then seen leading Mr. Chavez and several other dignitaries on a serpentine conga line to conclude the three-minute video.

At the White House, spokesman Tony Snow said that Mr. Castro’s vigorous appearance in the breakdancing video “strained credulity” and that the tape was currently being studied by breakdancing experts to determine its authenticity.

“For someone who just weeks ago seemed so frail, he is busting some serious moves there,” Mr. Snow said.

Possibly in response to Mr. Snow’s remarks, the Cuban government released another video showing Mr. Castro leading the Indianapolis Colts to a 29-17 victory over the Chicago Bears in Super Bowl XLI.

2007/2/5

TV Pundits Go On Strike

@ 10:38 PM (15 months, 16 days ago)

 

In an unprecedented labor action that could directly impact American journalists’ access to space-filling quotations, America’s experts went on strike today, seeking payment and benefits for their oft-quoted remarks.

For decades, journalists who have been up against deadlines with many column inches to fill have called upon experts at colleges, universities and think-tanks in the hopes that the loquacious sages would spew forth much-needed verbiage.

In exchange, the experts have asked little more than that the journalists spell their names correctly – but all that is about to change, the striking experts hope.

At a massive rally of disgruntled experts at the University of Minnesota, Professor Davis Logsdon, a leading expert and the president of the United Experts Union, fired up the crowd of irate know-it-alls.

“As experts, the time has come for us to stand together and refuse to give away our opinions for free,” Professor Logsdon said. “And a recent study shows that ninety-eight percent of you agree with me.”

Tracy Klujian, one of two dozen or so non-experts who crossed picket lines at the University of Minnesota to work as so-called “replacement experts” for the duration of the strike, said he had “no idea” how long the work stoppage could last.

“Maybe it could go on for months,” he said. “But I don’t know much about labor unions and stuff, so you’re really asking the wrong guy.”

TV Pundits Go On Strike

@ 10:38 PM (15 months, 16 days ago)

 

In an unprecedented labor action that could directly impact American journalists’ access to space-filling quotations, America’s experts went on strike today, seeking payment and benefits for their oft-quoted remarks.

For decades, journalists who have been up against deadlines with many column inches to fill have called upon experts at colleges, universities and think-tanks in the hopes that the loquacious sages would spew forth much-needed verbiage.

In exchange, the experts have asked little more than that the journalists spell their names correctly – but all that is about to change, the striking experts hope.

At a massive rally of disgruntled experts at the University of Minnesota, Professor Davis Logsdon, a leading expert and the president of the United Experts Union, fired up the crowd of irate know-it-alls.

“As experts, the time has come for us to stand together and refuse to give away our opinions for free,” Professor Logsdon said. “And a recent study shows that ninety-eight percent of you agree with me.”

Tracy Klujian, one of two dozen or so non-experts who crossed picket lines at the University of Minnesota to work as so-called “replacement experts” for the duration of the strike, said he had “no idea” how long the work stoppage could last.

“Maybe it could go on for months,” he said. “But I don’t know much about labor unions