Ernie Els Scoffs at Losers

New Book Explores Hypothetical Armed Robbery

Just days after being arrested for armed robbery of sports memorabilia, former football great O.J. Simpson announced today that he was the author of a new book entitled, “If I Robbed Them.”

Speaking at a press conference in Las Vegas, Mr. Simpson described his latest literary venture, which he called “an attempt to get inside the mind of someone who would commit armed robbery of sports memorabilia.”

“Personally, participating in armed robbery of sports memorabilia is something that I would never do,” Mr. Simpson said. “That’s what made writing this book such a challenge, imagination-wise.”

Legal experts questioned the wisdom of Mr. Simpson’s decision to author this latest tome, since the publication of a book about a hypothetical incident of armed robbery of sports memorabilia could potentially make a jury suspect that Mr. Simpson himself had participated in such a crime, should his case someday go to trial.

But the former Heisman trophy winner’s new book received a vigorous defense from its publisher, Judith Regan, who said she came out of retirement to publish Mr. Simpson’s latest effort.

Sitting by Mr. Simpson’s side at the press conference, Ms. Regan said that readers of “If I Robbed Them” would recognize the “honesty and forthrightness that have become synonymous with O.J. Simpson.”

“I’ve been a publisher for a long time, and I’ve never encountered an author as truthful as O.J.,” she said. “Well, maybe James Frey.”