Ernie Els Knows Golf and More

A PATENT FOR REMOVING ERRANT GOLF BALLS FROM TREES

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh! Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males , 2 Females," he replied.
"How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

ELS TOLD IT WAS TOO STIFF

A recent study found the average American golfer, walks about 900 miles a year. 
     

Another study found American golfers drink, on  average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means, on average, American golfers get about  41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud. 

"No booze for me until Barack is in the White House", crowed Ted.  Yeah RIGHT.

Senator Edward M. Kennedy will endorse Barack Obama for president tomorrow, breaking his year-long neutrality to send a powerful signal of where the legendary Massachusetts Democrat sees the party going -- and who he thinks is best to lead it.

Kennedy confidantes told the Globe today that the Bay State's senior senator will appear with Obama and Kennedy's niece, Caroline Kennedy, at a morning rally at American University in Washington on January 28 to announce his support.

That will be a potentially significant boost for Obama as he heads into a series of critical primaries on Super Tuesday, Feb. 5.

Kennedy believes Obama can ``transcend race'' and bring unity to the country, a Kennedy associate told the Globe. Kennedy was also impressed by Obama's deep involvement last year in the bipartisan effort to craft legislation on immigration reform, a politically touchy subject the other presidential candidates avoided, the associate said.

The coveted endorsement is a huge blow to New York Senator Hillary Clinton, who is both a senatorial colleague and a friend of the Kennedy family. In a campaign where Clinton has trumpeted her experience over Obama's call for hope and change, the endorsement by one of the most experienced and respected Democrats in the Senate is a particularly dramatic coup for Obama.

"The America of Jack and Bobby Kennedy touched all of us. Through all of these decades, the one who kept that flame alive was Ted Kennedy,'' said Representative Bill Delahunt, A Quincy Democrat who is also backing Obama. ``So having him pass on the torch [to Obama] is of incredible significance. It's historic.''

ALL KINDS OF NEW GOLF FANS ARE COMING OUT OF THE BUSHES

I don't know whether or not you watched the memorial service for Ronald Reagan , but if you did, you probably noticed that Bill and Hillary were both dozing off.

..........IN EXCHANGE FOR ROAD SEX

The Golf Channel suspended anchor Kelly Tilghman for two weeks on Wednesday for saying last week that young players who wanted to challenge Tiger Woods should "lynch him

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in a back alley."

Tilghman was laughing during the exchange Friday with analyst Nick Faldo at the Mercedes-Benz Championship, and Woods' agent at IMG said he didn't think there was any ill intent.

But the comments became prevalent on news shows Wednesday, and the Rev. Al Sharpton joined the fray by demanding she be fired immediately. Golf Channel didn't know who would replace Tilghman in the booth this week at the Sony Open or next week at the Bob Hope Chrysler Classic.

"NO OFFENSE HON, I'VE SEEN BETTER,

I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT CLEAVAGE

JESSICA DIFEO
From: California
Eyes: Green
Hair: Black
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 113
Measurements: 36-24-34

According to Playboy, one of the top nine girls of MySpace.

No...not THAT #2?

The darkness of dawn at Waialae Country Club on Tuesday wasn't enough to prevent a long line of U.S. PGA Tour players waiting to start their practice round at the Sony Open, the first full-field event of the season.

Among the early risers was Jason Day, the 19-year-old from Australia, which was symbolic in one respect. The youngest player on the tour is the latest in line with aspirations of challenging Tiger Woods.

"I'm sure I can take him down," he told Australian reporters in November.

He certainly has some strong credentials. Day made the cut in five out of the seven tour events he played last year, with his best result a tie for 11th in the Reno-Tahoe Open. He won a Nationwide Tour event, the youngest player to win on the junior circuit. He is said to be blessed with enormous talent, especially the short game, and that kind of skill seems scarce these days.

Whether he takes down Woods is impossible to predict because it hasn't happened.

In the 10 years since Woods rose to No. 1 in the world, the only newcomer to offer even a remote challenge is Sergio Garcia. The Spaniard took him to the wire at Medinah in the U.S. PGA Championship as a 19-year-old. Garcia has won six times on the U.S. PGA Tour, nine times around the world and played on four Ryder Cup teams while still trying to win his first major.

Since then, Woods has won 50 times on the U.S. PGA Tour, six times around the world and has 11 majors.

Charles Howell III didn't need Q-school to get his card and aspired to be No. 1, a worthy goal of any player. But his victory at Riviera last year was only his second in seven full seasons on tour.

Adam Scott was supposed to be the next Tiger, and his swing was a carbon copy when both worked with Butch Harmon. Scott has climbed as high as No. 3 in the world, but at age 27, he still has only five U.S. PGA Tour victories and four top 10s in a major.

Justin Rose won his first Order of Merit on the European Tour last year and has given himself a couple of chances in the majors, but he has yet to win on the U.S. PGA Tour. Ditto for Paul Casey, another Englishman with explosive skills.

Day is aware of Woods' career, perhaps not to the extent that he has posted a timeline on his bedroom wall as Woods once did with Jack Nicklaus. Even so, Day was quick to note that Woods never won a pro tournament at age 19.

"I'm just trying to mark myself up against him," Day said. "When I'm on the tour, somehow I've got to win two tournaments because that's what he won and I want to try and keep up with him."

Day is setting the bar high, which has left some veterans puzzled.

"They just put added pressure on themselves," Robert Allenby said on Tuesday. "It's fair to have confidence, but I'm not sure why you need to say anything. Just go do it."

That seems to be the culture of youth.

Annika Sorenstam and Karrie Webb, the two greatest U.S. LPGA players of their generation, never talked about No. 1 until they got there. Both dreamed only of winning a tournament and were thrilled when it happened. Woods wanted to get his U.S. PGA Tour card so he didn't have to face Q-school, and he wound up getting into the U.S. Tour Championship by winning two of his first seven tournaments as a pro.

Then again, Woods didn't face such a tangible benchmark. His was the majors won by Nicklaus, who was 56 when Woods turned pro.

Woods' level of play has created unfair standards for those behind him such as Garcia, Scott, Howell as everyone else has learned, and perhaps what Day is about to discover.

Garcia turns 28 on Wednesday and has a career superior to anyone else in his 30s. But when Woods was that age, he already had won 39 times on tour, including eight majors.

Day has earned everything coming his way. His father died of cancer at age 12. As a kid, he had to shop at a used clothing store where for $5 (?4) he could stuff as much as he could into one bag.

No matter how he plays, the one thing Day will quickly learn is that Woods is not in neutral. That explains Mark Calcavecchia's answer last week when asked who was best equipped to challenge the world's No. 1 player.

"It's hard to say who's the next great No. 2 player in the world," he said.

After the laughter subsided, Calcavecchia continued.

"That's the way it's going to be," he said.

Calcavecchia wonders if there's a teenager somewhere in the world who has yet to be discovered. He remembers being in Sun City, South Africa, one year and hearing about a tall, lanky 16-year-old that everyone was raving about as the next great player in the world. He took one look at Ernie Els and said, "Yeah, right."

"I'm sure there's some 16-, 17- or 18-year-old right now that's going to be the next one we know about," Calcavecchia said.

Maybe it will be Day, a pleasant kid with mighty aspirations who is not afraid to share them.

He was asked during his conference call with Australian writers if he thought Woods was aware of him.

"I can't say for sure, but I think he is," Day says. "If I was him, I would be. I watch everyone. He watches a lot of golf. He has so much time. He played 16 events - what does he do with his time? He'd be aware of me. He'd be saying, 'Here's another kid coming up."'

Maybe so.

But only because Woods has seen them before.

German academics believe they have solved the centuries-old mystery behind the identity of the "Mona Lisa" in Leonardo da Vinci's famous portrait.

Lisa Gherardini, the wife of a wealthy Florentine merchant, Francesco del Giocondo, has long been seen as the most likely model for the sixteenth-century painting.

But art historians have often wondered whether the smiling woman may actually have been da Vinci's lover, his mother or the artist himself.

Now experts at the Heidelberg University library say dated notes scribbled in the margins of a book by its owner in October 1503 confirm once and for all that Lisa del Giocondo was indeed the model for one of the most famous portraits in the world.

"All doubts about the identity of the Mona Lisa have been eliminated by a discovery by Dr. Armin Schlechter," a manuscript expert, the library said in a statement on Monday.

How to Hit Big

One of the most misleading bits of advise in golf is the phrase "keep your head down". It really does make me want to cringe when I hear someone say this to their playing partner and I reckon it does ten times more harm than good. In my experience, when someone is told to keep their head down, they tend to bury their chin into their chest at address. From there, they can't possibly make a good turn in the backswing as there's no room for the left shoulder to turn into. And no turn means no power. Keeping your chin up gives your left shoulder power in your golf swing.

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.    But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx

 "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." 
Winston Churchill

 "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
Winston Churchill

On the day she is to become a woman, Monica Reyes sits in front of the church for Mass. Her white dress -- sewn in her mother's Mexican hometown -- spills over her chair like an oversized lampshade.

Monica Reyes and her sister Marisol raise their glasses with others during a toast at their party.

 

There is even face painting.

The priest urges her to live as a daughter of God. Her parents give her a gold ring shaped like the number 15. Near the end of the service, Reyes lays a bouquet of roses before a statue of the Virgin Mary.

Then she steps through the worn, wooden doors of St. Joseph's, a Roman Catholic parish for generations of poor, Hispanic immigrants, and into a 20-seat white Hummer limo that rents for $150 an hour.

Before long, a stretch Lincoln Town Car arrives for the next Quinceañera Mass. See the $20,000 celebration »

An elaborate coming-of-age ritual for Hispanic girls on their 15th birthday, the Quinceañera has long been divisive in the U.S. Catholic Church, where it's viewed as either an exercise in excess or a great opportunity to send a message about faith and sexual responsibility.

The latter view won an important endorsement last summer, when the Vatican approved a new set of prayers for U.S. dioceses called Bendición al cumplir quince años, or Order for the Blessing on the Fifteenth Birthday.

Consider it an acknowledgment of the changing face of American Catholicism. Hispanics account for nearly 40 percent of the nation's 65 million Catholics and 71 percent of new U.S. Catholics since 1960, studies show.

Here in the Archdiocese of Denver, Hispanic ministry leaders view the Quinceañera craze as not just a chance to strengthen faith and family, but as a weapon against teen pregnancy.

DRIVE CHICKS WILD WITH THIS BIG BOY

HER DIARY: 

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. 
I asked him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. 

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him 
completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. 
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. 

HIS DIARY: 

Missed a big deer today, but at least I got laid.

Finally a TV big enough for a guy like me to analyze his swing.  Ron Paul will look like Pixie and Dixie on this thing.  Life size.  Japanese electronics maker Sharp Corp will begin selling a 108-inch LCD television later this year, executives told theConsumer Electronics Show on Sunday.

THE WORDS ON THE MAMMOTH SCREEN WERE BIG

ENOUGH THAT EVEN RON PAUL COULD READ THEM

Rasmussen prediction shows Obama Now Nearly TWICE as likely as Hillary to get nomination.  No White House

National

"MY NEW CADDY FOUND BETTER THINGS TO

DO THAN WIN A FEW BUCKS"

Yours truly will soon beginning to rake in the big bucks for whacking the ball now that the tour is back in operation.  We started this week with the Mercedes-Benz Championship at the Plantation Course at Kapalua · Kapalua, Maui, HI.  Turn on your big screen and I'll give you a wave.

Late-night TV comedian David Letterman's show returned on Wednesday touting itself as the "only show on the air" with union-backed jokes after a two-month hiatus in support of striking screenwriters.

Some 10,500 members of the Writers Guild of America have been on strike against the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) demanding, among other things, higher fees paid for work appearing on DVDs and the Internet.

Here is Letterman's satirical Top 10 List of "Demands of the Striking Writers," from a transcript read by writers on Wednesday's show.

10. "Complimentary tote bag with next insulting contract offer" - Tim Carvell from "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart"

9. "No rollbacks in health benefits, so I can treat the hypothermia I caught on the picket lines" - Laura Krafft from "The Colbert Report"

8. "Full salary and benefits for my imaginary writing partner, Lester" - daytime television writer Melissa Salmons

7. "Members of the AMPTP must explain what the hell AMPTP stands for" - Warren Leight from "Law & Order: Criminal Intent"

6. "No disciplinary action taken against any writer caught having inappropriate relationship with a copier" - Jay Katsir from "The Colbert Report"

5. "I'd like a date with a woman" - Steve Bodow from "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart"

4. "Hazard pay for breaking up fights on 'The View'" - writer and director Nora Ephron

3. "I'm no accountant, but instead of us getting 4 cents for a $20 DVD, how about we get $20 for a 4-cent DVD?" - Gina Johnfrido from "Law & Order"

2. "I don't have a joke -- I just want to remind everyone that we're on strike, so none of us are responsible for this lame list" - Chris Albers from "Late Night with Conan O'Brien"

1. "Producers must immediately remove their heads from their a----" - Thurber Award-winning author Alan Zwiebel

HUH?  THEM?

.......FIGURES

I THINK BILL IS FEEDING HER THIS MATERIAL BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE FIRST LADY !!

Sen. Hillary Clinton was telling Wolf Blitzer that she didn’t think “the 

Pakistani government at this time under President Musharraf has any credibility 

at all.”

    She then said something that betrayed a serious lack of knowledge about 

Pakistan and called her own credibility on the subject into serious question.

    “If President Musharraf wishes to stand for election,” she told Blitzer, 

“then he should abide by the same rules that every other candidate will have 

to follow.”

    My immediate reaction was: “Did I hear that correctly?”

    As a Pakistan analyst, I know for a fact that Pervez Musharraf doesn’t 

wish to stand for election any time soon.

    The upcoming elections are for the next parliament. Musharraf was just 

elected president of Pakistan, overwhelmingly, by popularly elected electors 

on Oct. 6. He’s just begun his five-year term as the president of the country. 

Why would he ever want to run for one seat in parliament? It wouldn’t make sense.

    However, I checked the transcript of the interview later. That’s exactly 

what she said.

    My next reaction was: “Maybe she misspoke. Candidates do a lot of interviews. 

Not every sentence comes out the way they want it to.”

    After all, Sen. Clinton is a candidate who is running claiming big-time 

foreign policy knowledge and experience that she says her closest opponents in 

the Democratic Primary don’t have.

    Pakistan? A nuclear power? A front-line ally in the war on terror? A country 

that’s been in the news an awful lot in the past few months? “C’mon,” I told 

myself. “A candidate with all of those advisors has got to know at least the 

basics about Pakistan’s political system.”

    No such luck.

    Sunday morning, ABC’s This Week ran an interview George Stephanopoulos had 

done with Sen. Clinton on Friday.

    The interview produced this gem:

    Referring to a possible delay in the elections, Sen. Clinton said: “I think it

 will be very difficult to have a real election. You know, Nawaz Sharif (leader of 

the PML-N, an opposition party) has said he’s not going to compete. The PPP is in 

disarray with Benazir’s assassination. He (President Pervez Musharraf) could be the 

only person on the ballot. I don’t think that’s a real election.”

    And then it hit me:

    Sen. Clinton really didn’t know that the upcoming elections were for individual 

seats in Pakistan’s parliament. She actually believed that Bhutto, Nawaz and Musharraf 

would be facing off as individual candidates for leadership of the country in the 

upcoming elections.

    Sen. Clinton didn’t know that Nawaz Sharif isn’t allowed to run for office in 

Pakistan because of a felony conviction. She didn’t know that President Musharraf 

won’t be on the ballot because he’s already been elected.

    Sen. Clinton, a candidate for the leadership of the free world, apparently doesn’t 

know the first thing about the country referred to by some as “the most dangerous place on earth.”

Of course this demonstrates yet another amazing gap in Hillary’s knowledge of the world.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FELLOW BLOGGERS !!