Ernie Els Scoffs at Losers

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate
and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as
Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.




EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will
actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.




MONEY


A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.




BATHROOMS

A man has 6 items in his bathroom: toothbrush & toothpaste, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel... The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.




ARGUMENTS


A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that, is the beginning of a new argument.




FUTURE


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.




SUCCESS


A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.




MARRIAGE


A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.




DRESSING UP


A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer
the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.




NATURAL


Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women, somehow, deteriorate during the night.




OFFSPRING


Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes
& dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.




THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing!