Ernie Els Knows Golf and More

The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists
advised not to make any rash moves.
 
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about
it, the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot
of nerve, but the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a
misconception.
 
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
 
The Pathologists yelled, 'Over my dead body!' while the
Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
 
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the
Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided

to wash their hands of the whole thing.
 
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow,
and the Plastic Surgeons said, 'This puts a whole new face
on the matter.
 
'The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the
Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
 
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas,
and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
 
The Chiropractors wanted to adjust it, but, in the end,
the Proctologists left the decision up to the ***holes in
Washington.

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were.

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant,

the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his dog, 'T-square, do your stuff.'

T-square went over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said,

'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.

He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said,

'Measure, do your stuff.' Measure got up, walked to the fridge,

took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard

and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your dog do?'

The Government Employee called his dog and said, 'CoffeeBreak, do your stuff.

'CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......

ate the cookies........

drank the milk.......

sh*t on the paper.......

screwed the other three dogs.......

claimed he injured his back while doing so.......

filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......

put in for Workers Compensation...............

and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............

AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!