Ernie Els Knows Golf and More

& Law of Mechanical Repair 
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

& Law of Gravity 
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

& Law of Random Numbers 
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

& Law of the Alibi 
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

& Variation Law 
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

& Law of the  Bath  
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

& Law of Close Encounters 
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

& Law of the Result 
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

& Law of Biomechanics 
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

& Law of the Theater 
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

& The Starbucks Law 
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

& Murphy's Law of Lockers 
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

& Law of Physical Surfaces 
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

& Law of Logical Argument 
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

& Brown's Law of Physical Appearance 
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

& Oliver's Law of Public Speaking 
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

&  Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy 
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

& Doctors' Law 
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

 & Law of Probability 
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.