Ernie Els Knows Golf and More

Fridays I Play Golf

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 15:52:55 +0000

Eileen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow! Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused..

The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?' Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.

Jesse Jane Porn Star

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 12:59:26 +0000

Jesse Jane seen leaving Els' hotel .. very happy

Who's Mounting Who?

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 14:16:31 +0000

OBVIOUSLY THE LIBERAL democrat Is ON THE RIGHT

War on Boobs?

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:09:01 +0000

No way, boobs work fine even in war

Megan Fox Screws Ernie Els Video

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 07:44:12 +0000

Actually an instructional video for replacing golf shoe spikes

2010 Economic Stimulus

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 07:42:58 +0000

Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment.
This is a very exciting new program. I will explain it using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q.. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.

Below is some h elpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

  If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China ..
  If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
  If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
  If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .......
  If you buy a car, it will go to Japan .
  If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan . If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1 spending it at yard sales, or
2 going to ball games, or
3 spending it on prost itutes, or
4 beer or
5 tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)

I'm going to go to a ball game and drink beer with a tattooed prostitute that I met at a yard sale!

Traveling Salesman

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 17:11:01 +0000

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It's opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.

Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home ?"

Little boy: "What the f**k do you think?"

Woud You Do Jenna Jameson?

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 06:53:23 +0000

If Lucy Pinder wasn't available, sure

Below is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris completed in 1604

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 18:44:26 +0000

It is the oldest bridge In Paris and took 26 years to build It was completed in 1604

My apologies. Over the past few yearsI have posted some inappropriate pictures and jokes for the benefit of friends who I thought shared the same sense of humor. Unfortunately this wasn't the case and I seem to have upset quite a few people who have accused me of being sexist and shallow..

If you were one of these people, please accept my sincerest apologies. From now on I will only create posts with a cultural or educational content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting topics.

Top Ten Ways to Say "Your Zipper is Down" - David Letterman

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 16:58:47 +0000

HEY, I KICKED TIGER'S BUTT AT THE BRITISH OPEN !!!

10. The cucumber has left the salad.

9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

7 . Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson..

6. Elvis is leaving the building.

5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

3. You' ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. Men may be From Mars.....
but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.

And the Number 1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped.....

1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see you're nuts.

General Pershing Knew How to Handle Muslims

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:55:05 +0000

ARE ANY OF HIS DESCENDANTS AROUND? BLACK JACK WAS THE MAN

Dr. Phil Diagnoses Hillary

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:21:48 +0000

HILLARY IS ONE ANGRY HOGSTER

Orioles Manager Tries New Strategy

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:00:35 +0000

"THEY'RE NOT PAYING ME ENOUGH"

Els Gets New Caddy for US Open

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 07:14:27 +0000

THIS CHICK KNOWS HOW TO HANDLE SHAFTS, BAGS AND BALLS

Surgeon Convention

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 18:52:50 +0000

Five surgeons from big city hospitals were discussing who makes the best patients.

The first surgeon from New York said, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second surgeon from Chicago responded, "Yeah, but you should
try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded."

The third surgeon from Dallas said, "No, I really think librarians are the best, because everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon from Los Angeles chimed in, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon from Washington, DC shut them all up when he said, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. They have no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and their head and ass are interchangeable."

Obama Team Upgrades White House Bathrooms

Sun, 31 May 2009 17:58:15 +0000

Definitely high tech all the way

Best Divorce Letter EVER

Thu, 28 May 2009 17:05:23 +0000

The bitch deserved it !!!

Tired of Rude Drivers?

Wed, 27 May 2009 17:16:46 +0000

GIVE THEM ADVANCE NOTICE THAT UNCIVIL

BEHAVIOR WILL NOT BE TOLERATED

Blonde Flies to Houston

Mon, 25 May 2009 12:47:36 +0000

THE PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO H OUSTON WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.   THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.   THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."

THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.  THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE.."

HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY."   SHE GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.

THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.  I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO HOUSTON."

New Surprise Auto Stops

Sat, 23 May 2009 14:31:28 +0000

Be ready, you never know