Ernie Els Scoffs at democrat liberal Losers Idiocy

The United States and other nations will not allow Iran to obtain a nuclear weapons, says Dick Cheney (so it must be true).  “Our country, and the entire international community, cannot stand by as a terror-supporting state fulfills its grandest ambitions,” Cheney said in a speech to the Washington Institute for Near East Studies.  “I’ve told people that if you’re interested in avoiding World War III, it seems like you ought to be interested in preventing them (Iran) from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon,” President Bush said.

President’s Colon Procedure Offered Welcome Break From Grueling Vice-Presidential Schedule

Vice-President Dick Cheney, having briefly assumed President Bush’s duties while the President underwent a routine colon procedure on Saturday, told reporters today that he “enjoyed the downtime immensely.”

The two hours and fifteen minutes spent doing Bush’s job were “incredibly relaxing,” Mr. Cheney said, adding that they were a welcome relief from his exacting Vice-Presidential schedule.

Invoking the Twenty-fifth Amendment to the Constitution Saturday morning, Mr. Bush transferred to Mr. Cheney all of his presidential responsibilities, which meant that Mr. Cheney spent Saturday jogging, going to the gym, and hitting a ball for Mr. Bush’s dog to retrieve.

In addition, Mr. Cheney called the nations of East Timor and Luxembourg “evil,” stumbling briefly over the pronunciation of Luxembourg.

Finally, as Mr. Bush’s colon procedure was winding down, Mr. Cheney made some remarks about the Japanese economy, mistakenly using the word “devaluation” instead of “deflation,” sending the NIKKEI stock market into a tailspin.

All in all, Mr. Cheney said he emerged from his brief tenure as President rested and refreshed, ready to plunge back into his demanding Vice-Presidential workload.

As for the President, Mr. Bush’s doctors pronounced his procedure a success, but said that they were having difficulty determining whether or not the President’s anesthesia had fully worn off.

Mr. Bush’s doctors indicated that when they asked the President the standard post-operative questions – such as, “What is the capital of the United States?” – Mr. Bush got only two out of five correct.

“Before the operation, he got three out of five right,” one doctor said.

In yet another setback for the embattled World Bank president, Paul Wolfowitz’s girlfriend Shaha Riza announced today that she was resigning as Mr. Wolfowitz’s girlfriend, “effective immediately.”

While Ms. Riza’s role in the conflict of interest scandal involving Mr. Wolfowitz and the World Bank had placed her in the eye of the media storm, few had expected her to relinquish her girlfriend post without a fight.

But according to a source close to Ms. Riza, the increasing pressure on the high-profile couple in recent days had convinced her that she “could no longer function effectively as Paul Wolfowitz’s girlfriend.”

A joint communiqué released by the couple indicated that the decision to leave her girlfriend post was entirely Ms. Riza’s, but sources close to Mr. Wolfowitz suggest that the idea had originated not with her, but with the World Bank president himself.

DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A HUGE LOSS TO ME

According to one source, “Paul had dinner with Shaha last night and told her they should start seeing other banks.”

News of Ms. Riza’s departure sparked speculation that Mr. Wolfowitz’s might have difficulty acquiring a new girlfriend, but according to Vice President Dick Cheney, who has served as Mr. Wolfowitz’s unofficial “wingman” for years, nothing could be farther from the truth.

“The fact that the World Bank found Paul guilty of wrongdoing gives him an air of danger,” Mr. Cheney said. “The ladies dig that.”