Ernie Els Scoffs at Losers

LOOK FORWARD TO MORE OF IT EVERY YEAR

IF HITLARY IS ELECTED

Jay Leno, David letterman, Conan O'Brien and Craig Kilborn are not exactly "the vast right wing conspirators", but even these guys have some keen observations on Her Highness...

Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be telling people this story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to be president because she can't do anything else."
 --Jay Leno

"Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants to see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed."
 --Jay Leno

"Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton running for president. Apparently, some Democrat's don't like the idea, while others hate it."
 --Conan O'Brien

"In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton wondered why President Bush can't find the tallest man in Afghanistan. Probably for the same reason she couldn't find the fattest intern under the desk."
 --Jay Leno

"Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton -- when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank."
 --Jay Leno

 A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine."
 -Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation t o allow all ex-felons to vote. See, this way all theClinton's former business partners can vote for her in 2008."
 --Jay Leno

 Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs have come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern."
 Craig Kilborn

 In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts."
 - Jay Leno

 "In the book, she says when Bill told her he was having an affair, she said "I could hardly breathe, I was gulping for air. No, I'm sorry, that's what Monica said."
 - David Letterman

 "Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United State s. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family."
 - David Letterman

"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new home in Washington People said it was a lot like the parties she used to host at the White House. In fact, even the furniture was the same."
 - Jay Leno

"Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch."
 - Craig Kilborn

"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it."
 - Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of Ne w York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible, the one with only seven comandments. "
-David Letterman

Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama turned rival Hillary Rodham Clinton's words back on her Wednesday, saying her vote to authorize the Iraq war was "irresponsible and naive."

"The notion that I was somehow going to be inviting them over for tea next week without having initial envoys meet is ridiculous," he said in an interview outside his Senate office. "But the general principle is one that I think Senator Clinton is wrong on, and that is if we are laying out preconditions that prevent us from speaking frankly to these folks, then we are continuing with Bush-Cheney policies."

Obama's comment about meeting with foreign foes came in response to a question in a Democratic presidential debate Monday night. The Clinton campaign immediately highlighted his statement as evidence that he doesn't have the foreign policy skills to be president. "I thought that was irresponsible and frankly naive," she told the Quad-City Times of Iowa.

In his interview, Obama triturned the debate back to Clinton's vote to authorize the Iraq war, which he opposed.

"I think what is irresponsible and naive is to have authorized a war without asking how we were going to get out," Obama said. "And you know, I think Senator Clinton hasn't fully answered that issue."

Also Wednesday, an Obama campaign official told The Associated Press that New Hampshire Rep. Paul Hodes plans to endorse the Illinois senator Thursday. Hodes is the first member of the four-member congressional delegation from the nation's first primary state to make an endorsement.

By the time Obama is done with Hillary, the bitch will be begging for a VP slot.  Yeah right.  How about a toilet cleaning slot?

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."

A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ... neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme putt," you might wish to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

SENIOR'S DAY AT THE COURSE

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons
Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7... Foursomes are encouraged.
#6... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5... Three times a day is possible.
#4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#3... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
#2... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason
why golf is better than sex.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#1... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

WASHINGTON (AP) - The Pentagon told Democratic presidential front-runner Hillary Rodham Clinton that her questions about how the U.S. plans to eventually withdraw from Iraq boosts enemy propaganda and that she should go f*** herself.

In a stinging rebuke to a member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, Undersecretary of Defense Eric Edelman responded to questions Clinton raised in May in which she urged the Pentagon to start planning now for the withdrawal of American forces.

A copy of Edelman's response, dated July 16, was obtained Thursday by The Associated Press.

"Premature and public discussion of the withdrawal of U.S. forces from Iraq reinforces enemy propaganda that the United States will abandon its allies in Iraq, much as we are perceived to have done in Vietnam, Lebanon and Somalia," Edelman wrote.  "The twit is a nutjob."

WHEN THE BITCH HANGS, IT SHOULD NOT BE IN EFFIGY

Seeking to see if her gay lifestyle was really for best for her, Clinton put in a call to Obama yesterday.  She should have called a fat male hooker instead.

"Hello Barack, I am feeling horny and Bill's heart medication has made him impotent.  The doctors say he can't take Viagra or Cialis and I want to take a shot at a man.  I'm getting tired of women.  You can't say no, I'm Hillary don't forget.  So get your butt over here asap.  Bring Viagra in case you can't keep up with me."

ONE CAN ONLY HOPE THEY ALL FELL IN

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont , Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth.  One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite.  My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas.

I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview . She is a part time "working girl". 

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Hillary Clinton for President?

Signed, Worried About My Reputation AND RIGHTLY SO!

Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep  and
cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well  known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S.  Air Force and the federal government.

However, you may NOT know that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months after that historic day the following people were born;

Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.,
Hillary Rodham,
John F. Kerry,
William Jefferson Clinton,
Howard Dean,
Nancy Pelosi,
Dianne Feinstein,
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer


See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?