Ernie Els Scoffs at Losers

TOKYO (Reuters) - Japan's secretive love hotels are opening up to European investors as one player in the sector prepares for a debut on London's stock market this month.

Japan Leisure Hotels, which owns five love hotels worth some 21 million pounds ($43.68 million) in Japan, hopes to lure investors to its IPO with an 8 percent dividend and promises of fast growth -- shedding light on a sector that is often associated with sleaze and organized crime.

Japan's 25,000 or so love hotels have long provided discreet hideaways for couples, some featuring Karaoke machines or vibrating beds. Guernsey-based Japan Leisure Hotels rents out rooms for short stays lasting only a few hours, but the company's director believes this system doesn't just appeal to thrill-seekers.

"People have busy life styles and they don't want to be tied down to 'Now, I got to check in after 12, or after three' or 'I've got to check out before midday'," director Stephen Mansfield told Reuters in a phone interview.

"It's very much like a discount airline. The required time reduces the prices to attract more people in and make it more economical for them. At busy periods, prices go up."

The industry is also seen to be shielded from economic cycles and has potential for sweet returns since rooms have a high turnover.

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley
that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated:
"This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and
says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times
last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times
last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."



They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365
times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365
times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this
one."


The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and see if it was 365 times with
the same cow."

A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.
Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims, 'If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'
The congregation sighs in relief and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says 'If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Preacher stays, I will give him sex!'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her 'Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'
Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies 'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help and he said 'Screw the Preacher!'

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase "maul it again."

A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ... neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.

Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme putt," you might wish to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

SENIOR'S DAY AT THE COURSE

David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons
Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.....
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7... Foursomes are encouraged.
#6... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5... Three times a day is possible.
#4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#3... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
#2... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason
why golf is better than sex.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#1... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!