Ernie Els Scoffs at Losers

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont , Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth.  One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite.  My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas.

I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview . She is a part time "working girl". 

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Hillary Clinton for President?

Signed, Worried About My Reputation AND RIGHTLY SO!